At its "Uncarrier" event in New York City, T-Mobile debuted John Legere: Unleashed, as well as no-contract cellphone plans and a $99 iPhone 5. That is, $99 up front iPhone 5.

Up front? So, how much do you have to pay downfront? Is that a word?

You'll have to pay a lot and no, it isn't.

Essentially, T-Mobile is giving you your iPhone 5 on layaway, except that you get to hold on to it while you pay it off, which will take two years.

T-Mobile wants another $480 on top of the $99 you already paid up front, and that will take exactly 24 months, given the $20 installment payments that get tacked onto your bill each cycle. All together, your $99 T-Mobile iPhone 5 actually costs $579.

There's no contract, though — so what happens if someone buys a $99-up-front-iPhone and cancels the plan the next month? T-Mobile has kept mum on that point; so despite the official pricing, your true cost for a T-Mobile iPhone 5 could range anywhere from $99 to $579.

To quote John Legere from the "Uncarrier" event: "This is the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard in my entire life. Do you have any idea how much you're paying?"

We don't, John, so "lets stop the bullshit."

Though there's no official word, there are really only two possible scenarios:

A) There actually are no contracts and T-Mobile will very quickly go bankrupt as you and a million others walk away with $580 smartphones after having paid only $99.

B) The $99 up front iPhone 5 really comes with a contract attached, and a termination fee to ensure T-Mobile makes its money back on your layaway iPhone.

It's unclear how T-Mobile intends to collect the money from you yet, but we do at least know how much it intends to get, courtesy of The Verge:

"A 16GB iPhone 5 will sell for $99 up front with 24 months of $20 payments — that's $579 over the two years, $70 less than buying an unlocked iPhone 5 from Apple. Similarly, the iPhone 4S will cost $69.99 down plus $20 per month and the iPhone 4 will cost $14.99 plus a $15 monthly charge."